I wonder if you ever think about it. If it ever crosses your mind. How I used to run through the house, giggling until I jumped into your arms. Or when you’d pick me up from school to take me to work with you; when you’d buy me food instead of waiting to eat at home.
I wonder if you ever think about how you tried to teach me math. Sitting at the kitchen table with tears in my eyes that soaked the page when they fell. When you would yell and how you’d never cry. Until you did.
I wonder if you ever think about the things you've said to me, the names you’ve called me and how hurtful they were. How your words feel like daggers in my back. I wonder if you think about the times that you yelled and watched mom tell me, That's just how he is.
I bet if I sat and ranted about all the things I've heard since as long as I can remember, people would call you the bad guy. I can never understand just this one thing; with all the things you said, why are you still the best?
I still remember all the things you did. When you took me for ice cream, or when you took my side, or when you were just good to me. I still remember when you came home for just an hour. At 3 in the morning, when you came into the room to hug and kiss me goodnight.
I still remember when you would think of me even while out of state and buy me little gifts. I still have that little pink necklace that says daddys girl. And that teddy bear keychain with a cracked yellow birthstone in its arms. It stays with me; hooked to my bookbag taking a ride with me everywhere I go.
I still have everything you taught me. I remember how to fight, how to cook and clean, how to take care of myself. I remember the manners you taught me. How to be strong yet kind. How to never let anyone hurt me even if it's family.
I still remember how much you said you wanted to leave. How bad you wanted to go home; to that beautiful island. But you put that on hold to stay with me. You stayed homesick just to stay with me.
You made the biggest sacrifice to be a good man. You didn't let your only daughter experience what your first son did. You turned your life around and taught me lessons to not be like you; to be better than you.
Of all the bad things I remember you're still the best. Of all the names that stuck with me, hearing your voice say Gorda or my princess or baby girl lets me know you’ll always be My Guardian Angel.